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The Los Angeles Angels’ beloved mascot Katie, AKA The Rally Monkey, has been kidnapped.
When entering her lavish cage two days ago, Katie’s trainer didn’t find Katie, but rather a note that informed her that the monkey had been kidnapped by The People for Ethical Treatment of Animals, or PETA.
While people within the Angels organization are concerned about the monkey, they are much more nervous about what this will do to the teams ability to know that they are losing. The Angels’ performance last night confirmed their worries.
Without the monkey around to remind them, the players didn’t seem to know about the deficit they were facing against the Boston Red Sox. After the third out in the top of the ninth, to the shock of the Boston players, the team celebrated in the center of the field and retired to the clubhouse. They were losing 6-3.
The mass confusion was also apparent in the stands, where fans started applauding after the Red Sox were retired and headed to the exits with satisfied smiles. Even fireworks were set off by the stadiums pyrotechnic.
Since there was no players available to hit and no more spectators in the stands, the umpires figured the Angels had forfeited and decided to call the game.
“We need that monkey back,” said Angels’ owner Arturo Moreno. “She seems to be the only one that knows how to keep score. I spent all night celebrating the victory with potential investors. Then we saw on SportsCenter that the team lost due to forfeit. Needless to say, I don’t believe I can count on their contributions.”
Angels fans are outraged at the embarrassment, many of whom are surprisingly blaming the missing primate. We caught up with long time Angels fan Bryson Holland.
“I’m so mad at The Rally Monkey for not being there! How is the team supposed to know that they need to rally?!? If she were here now, I would spank that monkey!”
There was no evidence that Bryson was aware of the hilarity of his comment.
